Yesterday, I ordered family photo Christmas cards. My transformation to middle class soccer mom is now complete. I make freezer meals, vacuum daily, have a family calender, know how to do math homework from elementary through algebra, and half my wardrobe is made up of t-shirts from my kid's extracurricular activities...("This girl got GAME!"...says my chest right now.) Now the other moms will let me join the Parent Volunteer Association without shaming me. I might even get a coffee mug.
Anywhoo....
The card is adorable and anyone who has Facebook will, of course, already have seen all these pictures because I reside in a world of instant gratification where I need immediate 'likes' to validate my worth as a mother...but now they can slap us up on their fridge or tape us to their wall or - if we have been mean and forgot about it - just throw us in the trash and dump last week's leftovers on us while finally cleaning your fridge. Maybe we made fun of your filthly fridge...
Regardless...I ordered them online and they are on their way. When I placed the order, I was told shipping would take about two weeks. I figured they needed some processing time plus standard shipping with a holiday tossed in there. No problem. I paid my $4.99 shipping fee for my one inch stack of 5x7 photo paper -which seems so silly now that I type it - and prepared to wait.
Tonight, an email popped up on my phone congratulating me on my order (thank you, it was a big achievement that I worked somewhat hard on for about ten minutes. Whew!) and letting me know it had shipped. Yay! It should be here sooner than expected - I love it!
Except.....no. It shipped today, November 19th and the expected arrival date is December 5th. Huh? Now I know Thanksgiving is in the middle there and a pair of Sundays...but that is two weeks away! I can send a package that size in the mail and have it arrive anywhere in the country faster than that. I can send a KICKBALL in the mail that fast! (Did you know you can stamp a ball and mail it??? Crazy, right?) To me, there is no possible way it takes that long to ship naturally.
Here is my theory:
I am being punished for being too cheap to shell out premium shipping. My package is being deliberately sent in circles around the Midwest until that due date so I can be taught a lesson and next time pay up. I imagine there is some guy, named Sal, in a warehouse in Chicago loading trucks...he sees my package and yells back to his bearded co-worker (delivery guys are hairy)..."this is that package for the cheap soccer mom...send it to Philly for shits and giggles this time. Pay the $12.99 next time...moron."
Sal is not a nice man.
He probably has a filthy fridge.
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