Thankful

Someone once tried to convince me that the positives in our lives are a direct result  of positive behavior - that God hands out blessings or trials based on your immediate behavior.  Helping your neighbor?  Great!  Here is a winning lotto ticket.  Gossiping about your neighbor?  Shame on you.  Speeding ticket. 

While I like the idea that if I am nice enough, I will be rich and trouble free...I think that the actual formula for blessings and curses is a bit more complex.  Hard things and hard times give us opportunities for growth and transformation.  Good deeds are often shadowed with other motivations or hidden agendas.  Sometimes we just straight up don't know what the hell we are doing.  I believe God's plan and plot chart for our lives is more complicated that a simple punishment/reward system.

And I have proof of this.

There is no way that I was ever good enough for all the blessings that I possess.

I am so incredibly thankful for this action packed, laughter filled, joyful journey that I am on.  My husband is kind and honest and generous and hilarious and ridiculously handsome.  He has given me five beautiful children that amaze us on a daily basis with how they are transforming into these fiercely independent little people that are already so much cooler than I will ever be. 

I am thankful for a busy year, rich with work and play, allowing me to stay home so all our children always have someone to call or help with homework or cheer them on.  I am thankful for our warm home, our comfy beds, and our full bellies  that we surely take for granted more nights than not. 

I am so thankful for our wide circle of loved ones.  When I see our family and friends interact and support our children, my heart grows three sizes.  There is so much love in this world for my family and this makes me so happy.

This year has been an eventful one for us.  We kicked it off by getting married and meeting Baby Girl...and we haven't slowed down once.  This life is busy and vibrant and sometimes crazy...and it is more that I ever wished for and more than I deserve. 

So to recap....despite my failings, I am blessed on a daily basis.  I will continue to try and live positively, not so I get rich but because I can't say thank you enough.  And if a winning lotto ticket happens to fall in my lap, then so be it.

Hero

Looming large in my world right now is the death of a young soldier from my hometown.  He died in Afghanistan on a mission...He died a hero. I knew him.  Somewhat.  A lifetime ago.  And I feel absurd for the level of grief I feel for a man I haven't seen in a decade, since he was a teenager.  Yet I cannot shake it. 

I met Mike when I was a shift supervisor at a local restaurant.  He was only four years younger than me, but at 21 and 17 those four years felt like a much larger gap.  So much so that when I read that he had died, I thought 'but he is just a kid' and was totally confused when I saw he was 31.  I did not know him well.  I didn't know his family or his plans or his story.  Here is what I do know...

I remember that he was a hard worker with a great work ethic.  I remember that I always wanted him to be on my shift because he was always in a great mood and got things done.  I remember that if there was a practical joke going on in the back of the house, Mike was probably behind it.  He was always smiling, always laughing, always doing his best. 

I have not seen him since I left that job.  I had not heard that he had enlisted.  I knew nothing of his life as an adult.   And still...when I heard that he had died defending my freedom to sit down and blog all these words any time I want...I cried.  I stalked the memorial Facebook page.  I felt like I should do something, say something...but there is nothing.  Tomorrow I will go hold a flag and watch the caravan bring him to the funeral home where his family will have the impossible task of saying final goodbyes.  There are no words that will make this okay.

I wish I would have known that he was out there...protecting and serving our country...protecting my family and my freedom.  I wish that I would have remembered him because I ran into him at a bar and remembered his ear to ear smile, instead of seeing it online under an awful headline.  I wish, I wish, I wish...

Thank you, Mike, for your service and your sacrifice.  I am grateful beyond all measure.  There are no words.

The Wrath of Shipping and Handling

Yesterday, I ordered family photo Christmas cards.  My transformation to middle class soccer mom is now complete.  I make freezer meals, vacuum daily, have a family calender, know how to do math homework from elementary through algebra, and half my wardrobe is made up of t-shirts from my kid's extracurricular activities...("This girl got GAME!"...says my chest right now.)  Now the other moms will let me join the Parent Volunteer Association without shaming me.  I might even get a coffee mug.

Anywhoo....

The card is adorable and anyone who has Facebook will, of course, already have seen all these pictures because I reside in a world of instant gratification where I need immediate 'likes' to validate my worth as a mother...but now they can slap us up on their fridge or tape us to their wall or - if we have been mean and forgot about it - just throw us in the trash and dump last week's leftovers on us while finally cleaning your fridge.  Maybe we made fun of your filthly fridge...

Regardless...I ordered them online and they are on their way.  When I placed the order, I was told shipping would take about two weeks.  I figured they needed some processing time plus standard shipping with a holiday tossed in there.  No problem.  I paid my $4.99 shipping fee for my one inch stack of 5x7 photo paper -which seems so silly now that I type it - and prepared to wait.

Tonight, an email popped up on my phone congratulating me on my order (thank you, it was a big achievement that I worked somewhat hard on for about ten minutes. Whew!) and letting me know it had shipped.  Yay!  It should be here sooner than expected - I love it!

Except.....no.  It shipped today, November 19th and the expected arrival date is December 5th.  Huh?  Now I know Thanksgiving is in the middle there and a pair of Sundays...but that is two weeks away!  I can send a package that size in the mail and have it arrive anywhere in the country faster than that.  I can send a KICKBALL in the mail that fast!  (Did you know you can stamp a ball and mail it???  Crazy, right?) To me, there is no possible way it takes that long to ship naturally.

Here is my theory:

I am being punished for being too cheap to shell out premium shipping.  My package is being deliberately sent in circles around the Midwest until that due date so I can be taught a lesson and next time pay up.  I imagine there is some guy, named Sal, in a warehouse in Chicago loading trucks...he sees my package and yells back to his bearded co-worker (delivery guys are hairy)..."this is that package for the cheap soccer mom...send it to Philly for shits and giggles this time.  Pay the $12.99 next time...moron."

Sal is not a nice man.

He probably has a filthy fridge.