Cheating

Before I even begin, I want you to know this is a totally irrational post.  I know in my brain that this isn't correct and that tons of families do this and everything is going to be just fine, but....

I totally feel like I am cheating on Baby Boy by having another child. 

Silly, right?

I totally want and am already in love with Baby Girl.  I completely believe God has sent her to us to round out our family and give Baby Boy a coconspirator as our older kids lose interest in him as a playmate.   I am super excited to delve into the almost unbearable cuteness of baby girl clothes.  But...

Tomorrow is the very last day that Baby Boy will be my youngest child.  For the last year it has been Mama and Baby Boy almost 24/7, joined at the hip.  We have been best friends and adventure partners and cuddle buddies.  We have bonded over cheerios and hand puppets and bubble baths.  We discovered what happens when you eat crayons and jump off trucks and shake sippy cups.  We have developed language and learned code words and signals.  He has taught me how to be a mama, shown me that I have more patience than I ever knew, shifted all my priorities, and expanded my heart ten thousand times.  He is the best - and hardest - thing I have ever done.  And now? Now I am about to bring home this new baby that is going to demand my attention and no matter how much I mentally know that this is silly, it still feels like cheating.  So for the next 24 hours, before the total joy of Baby Girl comes into play...I am going to grieve a little and wonder how this year flew by so fast.  And I am going to hug on Baby Boy so much he will probably be itching to have someone take me away.  And I am going to do my very best to "let go, and let God", have faith, and be ready to change our lives all over again.