Holy crap balls of fire my friends. Today was TOUGH.
I kept trying to grab the fraying seams and hold it all back together...all freaking day long. But that is what we do, right moms? We try and turn crappy, rough, uncertain situations into fun and bliss for our families. We try and batten down our crazy and our anxiety and our (sometimes) rage at the situation and breathe deep and carry on. We hold the line and don't give in and make our children become better people - many times against their own will.
I was told several times today that I was the meanest mother in the whole world. I was screamed at, given the side eye, sassed back at, and trivialized - and I am beat down. Holding that line is freaking exhausting. Having my kids think I am mean while holding them accountable for being kind is frustrating - and ironic. Taking the time to teach them to do a good job - at dishes, at laundry, at reading, at being a good sport....all of it. It is not for the faint of heart. Mom is tired.
There were many good moments today. My family all puzzled together instead of doing homework this morning. Nerd heart happy. I got to dig in the dirt outside and several of my seedlings are starting to sprout. My crocuses are all blooming. We got the giant log pile from the cut down trees all chainsawed up and moved into the lean-to for firewood. We laughed like fools with our cousins as we attempted (badly) to play cards over FB messenger together. PSA: Phase 10 is a great game to play via the internet - with 3 or 4 people that can be quiet. It was not very effective with five kids and a barking dog chasing a hissing cat. All my family is still safe and healthy. I have nothing to complain about, but the reality is I rode the struggle bus hard today.
Soooo..I am giving myself a little grace tonight...crawling into bed early...and taking my rest. So tomorrow I can get back at it.
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